If an alien was watching the world cup – how would it react?
Well, I can answer that because I’m an alien.
Not a real one, but a football one.

I was never passed down a football club to support.
I believe thats the right of passage all boys are bestowed onto them by thier father.
My dad himself was never gifted (or cursed) a team. Perhaps that’s why one was never passed to me.

Its always seemed a little strange to me. I understand the allure of a small club with local players – playing for their area.
But when its a cohort of global elite athletes configured to maximize profit, I struggle to see how you can have affinity towards it.

I see the top tier teams as brands, and brand I kind of, sort of, understand (ish).

Don’t get me wrong, I do love a snickers bar, but I don’t think I could let a snickers bar emotionally ruin my day if a mars bar beat it in a game.

When the world cup is on, I do find myself drawn to it.
The current best of England’s footballers, thrown into a hopper, and battling against the other countries in the same boat. Now that is interesting.

However, every 4 years there appears to be a cycle.

1: I Swear Im not getting into the world cup because it will end in heartbreak like last time.

2: Hear that apparently England have a better team than last time

3: Watch a game expecting them to loose, be surprised when they don’t.

4: England win again.. Something inside me starts to believe.

5: England get through to the play offs.

6: Start humming “its coming home” in the shower

7: Get excited for a game - England loose, feel devastated

8: Swear I will never get into the world cup again because of heartbreak

Is this a thing unique to me? Or is this a British thing?

Us Brits do love misery after all.

Other than the usual heartbreak of England being knocked out – the final would be particularly interesting to watch this year.
I had a kind of morbid fascination to see just how far America would take it.
(It always helps that England not being in the final would make it bearable to watch).

The Louis Vuitton trophy case?
The cringy BBC advert?
The sponsorship overload?

Wayne Rooney summed up my thoughts it with his comment
“I Thought It Was Crap”

It was also a shame that the only effective Argentine attack was when the final whistle was called and it involved violence.
Apparently I’m told this isn’t too off brand for them.

My xenomorph-ic conclusion?
I think I’ll stay away from the world cup next time (Honestly) and stick to snickers bars instead.